Honeymoon Phase -- Hold the Honeymoon!

Many people will try to tell you that the first year of marriage is basically the "honeymoon phase." Let me tell you that I don't need a year of marriage under my belt to know that this is not the case. Well, in some ways it is, but you shouldn't go into it thinking that first year is going to be all fun and games. I've been married to my husband for approximately a week and two hours and love him more than ever before, but also want to strangle him in his sleep.

My husband and I were old fashioned in that we did not live together before the wedding night. We stayed with our parents until we found an apartment which I started settling into about a month before he would stay for good. I'm so glad we decided to do it this way, but it's been difficult. It's hard living with someone you love because you see more of the good AND more of the bad. We've been at each others' throats more times than I can count already, but at the end of the day I am still glad to be sleeping beside him and not anyone else or alone.

Living together for the first time is a tough thing to go through with anyone, be it your spouse, significant other, a good friend, or even a stranger. We've been having to grow as people and as a couple to get through these new stresses and responsibilities. That first year when you are adjusting to being under one roof, sharing bills, and having one bank account will be difficult. One of you might forget to pay a bill because you thought the other would or maybe you both did and it got paid twice. Maybe you find something you want to buy online but it doesn't occur to you to clear it with your spouse and they get a surprise on the bank statement at the end of the month. Tensions will be high as you both start this new stage in life, and big fights will start over little things. The important thing is that you married this person, which means you know that they are worth it.

Another thing to know is that as soon as the wedding is planned and past, you might lose some excitement. It seems as though a lot of women (and some men) fall into the trap of making the engagement about the wedding. The couple might spend all of their time talking about wedding this and wedding that, but not about the upcoming marriage between the two of them. I hope that anyone who might be reading this ever has or ever will be like a deer in headlights as soon as the realization sets in that you don't know where to go from there. Make sure that you don't go blindly into a marriage. Be on the same page. THAT is what engagement is for. I hate to see when a woman thinks her wedding is the most important thing in the world. Your vows are the start of a marriage, not the end of a wedding.

My  husband and I did not have a big extravagant wedding, and no reception at all. We had a total of about 50 guests, including my large immediate family and the wedding party. We did not decorate the church at all and the only flowers were in my sister's flower girl basket and in bouquets/boutonnieres. My dress did not cost thousands of dollars (not even one thousand), and the men did not wear tuxedos. My wedding ring was one of the cheapest in the jewelry store and my husband offered to wear the one he'd made himself years ago (he is wonderful at making jewelry.) Even with all of those things that a woman might object to, even with all of the places we cut corners, I would not have changed a single bit of it. I came out of that wedding day married to the best person I know, so I'd say it went perfectly.

We did not go on a honeymoon, because financial stresses are just too high right now and we were not about to go into debt to pay for our wedding or a fancy trip to wherever we would have gone. We have the rest of our lives together, do we really need to spend the rest of our lives together paying for the one week together we could have had at home? We'll have our honeymoon someday, but skiing on a mountaintop is not worth a mountain of debt.

I hope my first post's length has not intimidated you and that you might come back to read more in the future.