Life Gets In The Way...

Sometimes, especially as a newlywed, life is just going too fast for you to slow down and do the less important things in life. Life has been going by quickly for me, so I seem to have forgotten about the blogging world for a while. Let's just say that I'm glad to be back, even though no one is reading this.

I'm almost three and a half months into my marriage and it still feels surreal. I can't decide if the time is going by quickly or trudging along because it seems like much longer by now. We seem to be really comfortable in our relationship where we are. A few people, nay, most people, told us that we should move in together before marriage to test compatibility. Not only did we not move in together before, but the apartment we got was the first home away from parents for both of us. We dove into the real world together. I don't think it's just luck that we are working out fine living together, though. I think if you are really in love, it will just fall into place. I'm glad we didn't live together beforehand because now we are doing all of these real world experiences for the first time as husband and wife. I like it.

While life is in the fast lane for me, with adjusting to all the changes and finding ways to pay the bills every month, sometimes I forget the little things. Maybe it's not just seeing the little things that I forget, but doing them too. A phrase that a lot of people forget to use as often as they should, myself included, is, "I appreciate you." No matter how fast life is going, always slow down to tell your counterpart that everything they do for you helps you get up in the morning.

I'm sorry for perhaps rambling a bit in this post, but I guess that's bound to happen when you wake up at 4 am to see your husband off to work...

And for now, Auf Wiedersehen

For Better or For Worse

Those words are the single biggest reason why I don't typically encourage the writing of your own vows. For better or for worse are a very important part of the promise you are making when you get married. You need to make the vow to love them unconditionally, for better or for worse, or your marriage doesn't mean as much. As soon as you say, "I do," you have agreed to those terms of service.

If you and your husband or wife are in a fight, no matter whose "fault" it is, you agreed that you would love them, for better or for worse. Even if you think it is their "fault" for whatever reason, you promised you would love them through the hardest of times, so you should be showing them love and compassion through the bad times, not anger and hatred. When you get married, you are supposed to go into it with the intention of NEVER trying to change them... Including if they change on their own and you want the old version back!

If there is a problem, fix it! Don't ever try to make them better, though. Trying to tell someone everything they do wrong will only cause resentment. Instead, better yourself. We ALL have room for improvement, so find ways that YOU can be a better spouse. You might just find that the problems you were finding in your relationship seem to disappear when you start working on yourself and how you treat your relationships with everyone.

I've come across so many people in my life who say that they would divorce their husband or wife if they were ever cheated on... Maybe it's just me, but I don't recall my priest saying, "For better or worse, except if..." No, I don't support ANYONE cheating on someone in a relationship, but if you're married you already made the promise to stay with them. You must keep in mind that no one just falls out of love. If they go off and cheat, there is a void that they are looking to be filled. It is your job as a spouse to keep that void filled with YOUR love and YOUR compassion and YOUR sympathy. The people who never stop trying to be better are probably a lot less likely to ever be divorced.

No matter what, never stop loving your spouse.

A Happy Husband

I have begun to find that one of the best ways to make a husband happy after a long hard day at work is... Food! Whether it is dinner or fresh baked cookies, most men are happy to be doted upon by their wives' cooking. Before being married, I rarely cooked. I lived in a household with a lot of people, so if I cooked for one I cooked for all. Now that it's just us two, I can cook small meals that take a lot less time to prepare.

The thing is, home cooked meals are not just something for the man to enjoy. I can honestly say that I have never met a married woman who did not love the feeling of being appreciated by her husband. THAT feeling is what I will continue to strive for throughout my marriage. I don't want to seem lazy to my husband that works all day to support us. I want to impress him and to have him proud to call me his wife. Working hard to give him a hot meal is really the least any wife can do.

I think the fact that I absolutely love to bake really helps things along. Even if I don't eat any of the desserts I make for my husband, I love knowing that it's something I am good at and that he will enjoy. Since we've been married, I don't think we've gone a single day without some kind of homemade dessert in the fridge or cupboard.

Being happy with making the other person in the relationship happy is absolutely one of the best things you can do to continue on having a happy and healthy relationship with your spouse. One of the best feelings in the world for me is giving my husband happiness, no matter how much it tires me out sometimes to work so hard on dinner and dessert.

Honeymoon Phase -- Hold the Honeymoon!

Many people will try to tell you that the first year of marriage is basically the "honeymoon phase." Let me tell you that I don't need a year of marriage under my belt to know that this is not the case. Well, in some ways it is, but you shouldn't go into it thinking that first year is going to be all fun and games. I've been married to my husband for approximately a week and two hours and love him more than ever before, but also want to strangle him in his sleep.

My husband and I were old fashioned in that we did not live together before the wedding night. We stayed with our parents until we found an apartment which I started settling into about a month before he would stay for good. I'm so glad we decided to do it this way, but it's been difficult. It's hard living with someone you love because you see more of the good AND more of the bad. We've been at each others' throats more times than I can count already, but at the end of the day I am still glad to be sleeping beside him and not anyone else or alone.

Living together for the first time is a tough thing to go through with anyone, be it your spouse, significant other, a good friend, or even a stranger. We've been having to grow as people and as a couple to get through these new stresses and responsibilities. That first year when you are adjusting to being under one roof, sharing bills, and having one bank account will be difficult. One of you might forget to pay a bill because you thought the other would or maybe you both did and it got paid twice. Maybe you find something you want to buy online but it doesn't occur to you to clear it with your spouse and they get a surprise on the bank statement at the end of the month. Tensions will be high as you both start this new stage in life, and big fights will start over little things. The important thing is that you married this person, which means you know that they are worth it.

Another thing to know is that as soon as the wedding is planned and past, you might lose some excitement. It seems as though a lot of women (and some men) fall into the trap of making the engagement about the wedding. The couple might spend all of their time talking about wedding this and wedding that, but not about the upcoming marriage between the two of them. I hope that anyone who might be reading this ever has or ever will be like a deer in headlights as soon as the realization sets in that you don't know where to go from there. Make sure that you don't go blindly into a marriage. Be on the same page. THAT is what engagement is for. I hate to see when a woman thinks her wedding is the most important thing in the world. Your vows are the start of a marriage, not the end of a wedding.

My  husband and I did not have a big extravagant wedding, and no reception at all. We had a total of about 50 guests, including my large immediate family and the wedding party. We did not decorate the church at all and the only flowers were in my sister's flower girl basket and in bouquets/boutonnieres. My dress did not cost thousands of dollars (not even one thousand), and the men did not wear tuxedos. My wedding ring was one of the cheapest in the jewelry store and my husband offered to wear the one he'd made himself years ago (he is wonderful at making jewelry.) Even with all of those things that a woman might object to, even with all of the places we cut corners, I would not have changed a single bit of it. I came out of that wedding day married to the best person I know, so I'd say it went perfectly.

We did not go on a honeymoon, because financial stresses are just too high right now and we were not about to go into debt to pay for our wedding or a fancy trip to wherever we would have gone. We have the rest of our lives together, do we really need to spend the rest of our lives together paying for the one week together we could have had at home? We'll have our honeymoon someday, but skiing on a mountaintop is not worth a mountain of debt.

I hope my first post's length has not intimidated you and that you might come back to read more in the future.